In today's world, it seems like manners and polite behaviour are disappearing. Especially among children. Culture and society have a lot to do with it. With the Internet, cell phones, music videos, sports, and television as prime culprits, our children definitely live in a more "get-yours, in-your-face" world than we did growing up. In other words, simple courtesy and politeness are sometimes viewed as signs of weakness, rather than normal behaviour.
So, what can we as parents do to instill phrases like "Yes, ma'am," and "Yes, sir," and "please" and "thank you" into the behaviour of our children?
As with so many of our parenting tips, it starts with parents serving as role models for the behaviour they want to see in their children. In the home and outside of it. That means that, beyond the words and phrases, parents must also role model the attitude of politeness.
Instead of a hectic pace, for example, on the roadways, in stores, in line at the theatre, take an approach that defers to others. Let that car pass you or cut in front of you, without any hostility on your part. Let someone go ahead of you in line, or take that last sale item, and be gracious when you do it. And, of course, demonstrate the accompanying words to further convey the desired attitude. "No, please, you have more items. You go first, sir."
In younger children, this behaviour is easier to instill. Remember, young children are "egocentric" and think primarily of themselves and their needs, which can lead to rude behaviour simply because they have not yet learned to take into account the needs and feelings of those around them. Start instilling this awareness and the desired polite behavior with some of the following words and activities:
- "In our family, we say 'please' and 'thank you.' And we treat each other and those around us with courtesy and respect."
- Praise children when they do behave politely. Discuss and role play it when they do not.
- Watch TV or read books together and discuss the behaviours you see, deciding together what is and isn't acceptable for your family.
- For older children, this can also work. But you might try adding in a bit of role-reversal, putting a rude child in the place of someone (teacher, friend, parent, sibling, etc.) he/she has mistreated. Then ask your child how he/she would like to be treated in a similar circumstance.
- Reinforce the desired attitude and behavior by associating with other parents who also value polite, respectful behaviour. And don't forget to compliment any of your child's friends who behave politely.
Lastly, don't forget that you never stop parenting, you never give up on role modeling and praising the right behaviour, you never stop being polite and respectful.
By: Gareth Williams
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