Humor Makes Parenting Easy

Raising a child is not an easy task. It doesn't matter if you are a first-time parent or an experienced one. It still requires parental skills and a lot of hard work, psychology, and of course, creativity.

In the old days, parenting skills were learned from the extended family, such as the the parents of the couple having a new kid, the grandparents, aunts, and uncles. If these relatives don't live in the same house, they usually live within the vicinity, making them available to impart valuable wisdom to the next generation on the subjects of pregnancy, chilbirth, and raising children.

In today's modern world, however, having an extended family within the same state is a rarity. We now live in a transient society where everything is fast-paced and based in technology. Thanks to the Internet, information on parenting can be accessible at the click of a mouse. It's up to us to filter through that information based on our own standards of morality, sensibilities, and personalities to make them work for our own families.

Experts believe that when it comes to parenting, humor can help motivate children where more negative tactics fail. For example, instead of snapping, “Come here right now!”, you can humor the kid with “I'm going to get you, here I come!” Creating a playful scenario keeps the situation from becoming a battle of wills.

According to parenting guru Jane Nelsen, EdD, the author of dozens of books, including Positive Discipline and, with H. Stephen Glenn, Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World, humor is a key tool to successful discipline.

“Humor takes us to a whole different level of consciousness,” Nelsen said. It helps break the negative mood not just for children, but for grown-ups, as well. When moms or dads issue angry commands, kids of all ages tend to dig in their heels and resist where no one benefits in the end. Thus, humor helps parents get themselves out of a reactive state.

Creative parents make use of common distractions, such as tickling, chasing, or animating stuffed toys as strategies. For example, using a stuffed toy to say, “It's time to go to bed. Let's sleep” is more likely to generate a positive response than an attempt at resistance. Humor can help parents and kids find the lighter side to work together toward the shared goal.

By: Mark Christian Walters

We all want to trust the people who are caring and providing for us. Your children's views on trust begin the moment they leave the safety of the womb and enter the vast, cold world around them.

You immediately begin caring for your newborn (as you continue to do for your other children), and thus your children learn to trust that mom and dad are there to meet their needs. Without that trust in others, children cannot grow into mature, self-confident and independent adults.

When working to foster such trust in your children, here are some points to keep in mind:

The importance of touch: scientific studies have shown that children who are not touched in a positive manner (hugs, kisses, holding hands, etc.) tend to develop attachment disorders. They cannot connect to others, or place their trust in caregivers. Thus, it's important to provide your children the comfort, security and trust of physical touch.

Positive reinforcement with words: verbally reaffirming for your children that you love them unconditionally helps to create a stable, safe environment where the children know they are loved and cared for. If children know they will still be loved, even when they make a mistake or misbehave (even if there are consequences, such as an unpleasant punishment), the lines of communication remain open. Your children know they can still come and talk to you without feeling they should hide whatever they've done wrong.

Establish routines and consistency: routines (meals, baths, bedtime, etc.) provide your household and your children with a sense of control. Being consistent and repeating those routines takes away some decision-making from your child, yet lets them feel a sense of control over their world through established expectations. It also establishes limits (bedtime, curfew and so on) and teaches children to make good decisions and abide by limits, otherwise there will be consequences, whether it's in your household or in life.

Of course, you, too, must be consistent. You must keep your word and be true to the rules of your household. Doing so will help establish and build trust in your children, and that in turn will help them move from the safe haven of trust and respect you've established in your family and apply those lessons to life.

By: Gareth Williams

Your Child Will Never Listen To You Unless You Follow This One Simple Tip

Remember that Cindy Lauper song, "Girls Just Want to Have Fun?" Your kids - from preschool to teenagers - just want to have fun. Work just isn't on the minds of most kids, big or small. As adults, you and I know that work has to get done, and we know when it has to be done. Kids, not so much.

I can't count the number of times over the years when I'd tell one or both of my boys to do something, and they'd act like I wasn't even there. Before I learned this one simple tip, I'd talk and talk, threaten, cajole, sometimes even try bribery, just to get them to acknowledge my request and get their little butts in motion. I was the parent, after all. My word was law and I should be respected and obeyed, right?

Yes, of course. But I discovered, through trial and error, and some research, that there was a problem with my approach. Think of it this way: imagine that you're a light bulb on a dimmer switch, or a lamp that has several brightness settings that are clearly visible to your kids.

When you first start out with your request for your children, you're on the "low" setting. You're relatively calm, and the "low" setting indicates to your children that there's still plenty of time before you get to "high" and go ballistic. And, thus, they're free to "tune you out.

"In other words, your kids have learned -- thanks to your behaviour and your parenting approach -- that they can ignore your requests, and you'll continue to make pleas, threats, etc., until you're blue in the face. You're predictable, but not in a good way that produces the results you're looking for. In other words, the consequences of your children's lack of attentiveness and/or obedience are not predictable.

What needs to change? First, you do need to be predictable, but in a way that your children will see repeated over and over again. That's consistency. There's nothing wrong with the light bulb-dimmer switch analogy or approach. You simply have to implement it a little differently:

Low: you make the request calmly, being as specific as possible so there's no misunderstanding of what you're saying to them. For example, asking a question ("Joey, can you take out the garbage?") may seem specific as far as the task, but you're essentially leaving the request open to your child's interpretation and decision-making. Not necessarily bad for older children, once you've established positive behaviours. But, especially for younger children, try saying something specific and direct like this instead: "Joey, please take out the trash before dinner.

"Medium: If your child does not respond or continues to tune you out, this is a crucial fork in the road. This is where you "turn up the intensity of the light." Try saying just once: "If you don't do what I asked, there will be a consequence."Over the years, I've found that shouting or threatening is not the right approach. They still just tuned me out. Instead, I like to (still calmly) approach my boys, get up close so we're making eye contact face-to-face, and simply let them know that this is how this household (and life) works. Doing something you're not supposed to do, or not doing something you've been asked by a person in authority do, has consequences.

Again, remember that you don't stay in this stage, repeating, asking, begging, or threatening. While being reasonable, this is where you show your children a calm predictability again and again. And, when you see the desired results, then be sure to praise the proper behaviour. If not, then you move on to "high intensity.

"High: In this "high intensity" stage, you've reached the consequence, or punishment phase, since the request has been ignored. Again, there's likely to be drama on the part of your children when they discover the punishment, the consequence they've invoked. For younger children, this could be a "timeout" away from toys or TV. For older children, it could be loss of privileges, allowance, use of the car, etc.

Here, you'll probably want to keep it short and simple, without hysterics or punishment that doesn't "fit the crime." But, do try to be both consistent and predictable, and keep following this approach. You won't change all your kids' behaviours over night, but by being calm, consistent and predictable, you're on your way to less stress, less drama, and more compliant children.

By: Gareth Williams

Must Have Advice To Change A Child's Rude Behavior

In today's world, it seems like manners and polite behaviour are disappearing. Especially among children. Culture and society have a lot to do with it. With the Internet, cell phones, music videos, sports, and television as prime culprits, our children definitely live in a more "get-yours, in-your-face" world than we did growing up. In other words, simple courtesy and politeness are sometimes viewed as signs of weakness, rather than normal behaviour.

So, what can we as parents do to instill phrases like "Yes, ma'am," and "Yes, sir," and "please" and "thank you" into the behaviour of our children?

As with so many of our parenting tips, it starts with parents serving as role models for the behaviour they want to see in their children. In the home and outside of it. That means that, beyond the words and phrases, parents must also role model the attitude of politeness.

Instead of a hectic pace, for example, on the roadways, in stores, in line at the theatre, take an approach that defers to others. Let that car pass you or cut in front of you, without any hostility on your part. Let someone go ahead of you in line, or take that last sale item, and be gracious when you do it. And, of course, demonstrate the accompanying words to further convey the desired attitude. "No, please, you have more items. You go first, sir."

In younger children, this behaviour is easier to instill. Remember, young children are "egocentric" and think primarily of themselves and their needs, which can lead to rude behaviour simply because they have not yet learned to take into account the needs and feelings of those around them. Start instilling this awareness and the desired polite behavior with some of the following words and activities:

- "In our family, we say 'please' and 'thank you.' And we treat each other and those around us with courtesy and respect."

- Praise children when they do behave politely. Discuss and role play it when they do not.

- Watch TV or read books together and discuss the behaviours you see, deciding together what is and isn't acceptable for your family.

- For older children, this can also work. But you might try adding in a bit of role-reversal, putting a rude child in the place of someone (teacher, friend, parent, sibling, etc.) he/she has mistreated. Then ask your child how he/she would like to be treated in a similar circumstance.

- Reinforce the desired attitude and behavior by associating with other parents who also value polite, respectful behaviour. And don't forget to compliment any of your child's friends who behave politely.

Lastly, don't forget that you never stop parenting, you never give up on role modeling and praising the right behaviour, you never stop being polite and respectful.

By: Gareth Williams

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Mending The Fence Between A Mom And Her Teenage Daughter

Mending the Fence between a Mom and Her Teenage Daughter

Teenage behavior is as unpredictable as the bathrooms you have to use in gas stations, fast food restaurants, and rest stops along I-10. Some are pretty dog-gone nasty.

Why is it that when our girls are little, we put bows in their hair, but when they become teenagers, we find ourselves wanting to tie them around their necks? Or is that just me? I don't think so.

Do you ever think that her demonstration of mother love is far less than your demonstration of daughter love in your home? That is the mother and teenage daughter love dance. We often times have our toes stepped on. I hope you will find encouragement in knowing that we all go through that.

Mending the fence between a mother and daughter can begin anytime you choose. Teenage behavior and its unpredictable ups and downs will always be the case. This would be especially true if she suffers from O.D.D. (oppositional defiant disorder) or bipolar disorder. Even as unpredictable as our daughters can be, Mom can begin to be the predictable one in the relationship though. She can allow her daughter to rest in the knowledge that no matter what her mistakes have been, the love for her daughter will never change. That is so comforting to me. I love saying that to my children. Their eyes light up with a sense of security knowing that they are accepted just the way they are and they are not required to be perfect in order for me to love them. I may not love their behavior or actions, but I will always love them.

I also appreciate and seize each day as another opportunity to be a better person than the day before. Mending the fence between a mother and daughter requires the barriers of guilt, shame, and disappointment to be broken down. There are only so many times you can tell your daughter she messed up. Don't you think she knows that? Teaching her how to not make the same mistake again in love will yield greater results than continuously reminding her of her mistakes in anger. One has the ability to draw the person closer in while the other has the tendency to push away.

If you as a mother know there needs to be changes in the relationship between you and your daughter, but you have no clue how to go about making it work, join millions of mothers all over the world. You are not alone! We tend to resolve problems and conflicts the way our mothers taught us. Working through problems calmly and rationally is either going to feel natural or unnatural to you. Chances are if it comes naturally, your mother may be the one to thank.

Regardless of how you were raised, you have the power to connect with your daughter. Recognize your strengths and weaknesses and be honest with her about them. Listen to her as she shares her strengths and weaknesses. Learn to keep each other more balanced and strive to rebuild a sturdy fence between the two of you. Broken fences are as useless as tits on a bore hog. They serve no purpose, so get out there and start mending yours today! She is absolutely worth it and so are you Mom.

By: Dr. Cheryl Guy

10 Parenting Tips To Stop Bribing Your Child

Picture this scenario: A harried mom in a grocery store asks her two young boys to stop fighting. They continue…getting even more boisterous. After asking for the “umpteenth” time and having them ignore her, she starts to raise her voice, but stops herself, she knows she shouldn’t yell at them…additionally the kids won’t respond to yelling anyway. She reaches the end of her rope, is at her whit’s end, wants immediate results, so, “bribes the children.” Sound familiar?

Bribery gets immediate results. The behavior the parent is trying to curb stops… but to what future consequence.

In the long run “bribes” don’t work. Bribing children can have the opposite of the intended effect. Behavior can become more and more outrageous in the hopes of attaining better and better prizes. It goes to follow, if a small tussle in the grocery store is rewarded with a pack of gum, what will an out and out brawl get, a cell phone? Bribing creates a situation where the tail is wagging the dog. The child’s behavior begins to dictate the culture of the family. The family is happy when the child behaves well and in turmoil when the child misbehaves. The child gains power and the parents lose power.

It is more effective and healthier to tell the child that he or she will face a consequence if the unacceptable behavior continues and then follow-through with that consequence. “If you continue to do “X” behavior, we will not go to the park,” (or whatever fun thing the child is looking forward to in the near future). By giving a consequence that the child can actually experience, the child feels the consequence and in turn thinks twice before repeating the offense. Giving a consequence assures that the parent never attacks the essence of the child, which can be damaging to their psyche, just the behavioral offense.

Following through is a crucial step of this learning process. The child must know that the parent means what she says and always follows through.

On the other hand, when the child behaves, praise, praise, and praise! Let him know that it is marvelous and wonderful when he listens. For example a successful trip to the grocery store should be complimented. Consistency, follow-through and praise are essential in promoting and reinforcing good behavior and creating peace in the family.

Consistency, follow-through, and praise sound easy enough. Then why do parents so easily fall into the “bribery” trap?

One reason parents bribe is because raising kids and running a household are incredibly challenging and taxing. When half-way through folding a load of laundry the child reaches over and tosses the folded clothes across the room or when traveling up and down the aisles of the supermarket and the child starts grabbing food out of the cart and pitching it onto the floor, a parent can feel pushed to the brink. The mundane work has to be completed, it is understandable that parents bribe the child to quickly nix the bad behavior and finish the one of many task on their long daily list.

It is definitely tempting to bribe children to stop the disruptive behavior with a new toy or a snack. However, rewarding the negative behavior with a bribe ultimately leads the child back to that same unacceptable behavior, the next time with a vengeance.

It is really important to be your child’s advocate. Think about the tools your child needs to be equipped for teen years and adulthood. As hard as it is not to appease in the moment, consider the child’s future interests. The goal of a parent is to help mold a fantastic person and give the necessary tools a child needs to have a great life.

Here are ten tips for parents who want to find an alternative to “bribery”:

1. Immediately respond to the incident making sure that the child realizes that her behavior is unacceptable. Little kids need to be educated about right and wrong.

2. Use words the child will understand to explain that you are upset. Don’t assume she knows why you are unhappy. “Tammy, pulling the folded clothes out of the laundry basket is not okay. Mommy worked hard to fold those clothes. We have discussed this before. I am giving you a three minute time-out.”

3. Follow-through, act immediately, and do what you say you are going to do. Do not make idle threats.

4. Ask the child to apologize.

5. Reward the child with a huge hug and kiss and thank him for completing the time-out. Then let it go. It is not fair to your child to dwell on an incident after he has completed the time-out, or you have taken away a toy or privilege.

6. Do not feel guilty that you had to reprimand your child. It is your obligation to your child to teach her proper behavior. If you are calm and choose an appropriate consequence then you are being a great parent.

7. Be on the look out for good behavior. How refreshing it is for kids to have their positive behavior recognized…especially when they weren’t expecting it to be noticed.

8. Keep a tally of all of the good behavior over the course of the day and reward with an extra story at bedtime, an extra fun craft project, or a “tickle extravaganza.” But most importantly, let the child know how proud you are of him or her and how much you love him/her.

9. Talk your children up! Say, “I have the most wonderful kids! I love to be with them!” Kids do hear you when you talk about them, loud and clear. Make sure that the majority of what they hear makes them feel warm and nurtured, loved, respected and cherished.

10. Children want limits set. They feel out of control if you don’t make the boundaries clear, and that scares them. Children want you to be the parent. One of the most wonderful gifts that you can give to your kids is to teach them how to behave properly.Guiding children through the tough stages of childhood creates parenting opportunities for teaching lessons in manners and good behavior. By promoting peace, quiet and good behavior in the home, parents create a fertile environment that encourages growth and development.

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Simple Ways To Get Your Child To Sleep Through The Night

During childhood, a good night's sleep is one of the most important things that a child can have - in fact, childhood experts agree that young children typically need between nine to ten hours a night in order to encourage proper body and development function. Yet if your child has trouble sleeping through the night, this can often seem like an impossible goal; however, you're not alone. Thanks to the popularity of stimulating technology in the home, like video games, computers and mp3 players, more and more children are finding it difficult to sleep through the night due to overstimulation. Add to the fact that many children are consuming diets full of sugar and carbs, and you have a recipe for a night full of tossing and turning!

Want to get your child to stop his or her sleepless nights and get the nine to ten hours that child experts recommend for ideal overall growth and health? Just follow these tips and your child will be off to dreamland in no time!

1. Limit the amount of time that your child spends in front of the computer or television set before bedtime. Just like with adults, children who spend the two hours up until their bedtime performing "overstimulating" activity can have difficulty falling asleep due to too much brain activity. Tell your child that there will be no video or computer games allowed before bedtime, and stick to this rule. You should notice a difference in your child's sleeping patterns almost immediate.

2. Have a consistent bedtime, even on the weekends. A child's body clock is a delicate thing, and can easily be disrupted if your child sleeps in too much on the weekends or goes to bed too late at night. Have your child go to bed and wake up at the same time everyday - if your child has exhibited particularly good behavior, award him or her by pushing back bedtime by an hour and a half; however don't go any more than this, or you'll disrupt your child's body clock!

3. Have your child's bedroom be used specifically for sleep only. If your child spends his or her time on the bed playing video or computer games, he or she will associate the bed with fun activities. Create an environment in the child's bedroom that encourages sleep - for example, don't have a computer in your child's bedroom, avoid leaving bright lights on and keep the bedroom at a cool temperature. The goal is to have your child realize that going to bed is equated to falling asleep, so try to prevent other activities from being done in your child's sleeping environment.

4. Avoid feeding your child a diet of mainly sugar and carbs. Sugar will cause your child to become hyperactive, which is especially detrimental towards getting a full night's sleep. Carbs are still necessary for a child's diet, but avoid feeding your son or daughter only carbs a few hours before bedtime, since this slowly burns off energy that will keep your child awake.

5. Get your child to exercise during the afternoon, as this will make his or her body tired just in time for bed. However, don't exercise within a few hours of bedtime, or else your child will still be on an energy high!

Getting your child to sleep through the night doesn't have to become a production. Just follow these simple tips for maximum effect, and your precious angel will soon be getting the nine to ten hours required for his or her healthy development.

By: Gareth Williams